'tis the f-ing season!

been feeling rather shitty lately.

maybe it's because of the seemingly ENDLESS exam period stretching until the third week of december that is underway. although it's a definite plus to not have all my exams crammed together, this three week period is really oppressive. we're forced to ONLY think about exams, and even any sort of social outing or even conversation makes us feel guilty about spending time doing something other than studying. even sleeping during the 24 hours prior to an exam makes me feel guilty...sometimes.

speaking of sleeping, and exam time, the monster procrastinatrix in me has once again emerged, and FORCES me to put off studying as long as i possibly can, by sleeping all the damn time, or so it seems. my sleeping schedule is SO out of wack that i sleep in the day, and i'm up all night, it's crazy. but when i have an exam in the very near future, it's like sleep less [3 hrs, maybe] and study a hell of a lot more! although i am losing my determination...not a good thing. well, only a few more days of this, and then i can go to back to somewhat normal, whatever that means.

another thing that sucks about this time of year is the INSANITY that ensues on mall property. i went to the mall thursday afternoon, around 1pm, and there was barely any parking. i was shocked; don't you people have J O B S ? or S C H O O L ? what the F. needless to say i am absolutely elated at the fact that i no longer work in the mall...seeing all those retail employees hustling made me wonder how, and WHY i did it for so long? on this relatively short visit, the christmas music REALLY got to me...you don't experience it much if you don't want to, but mariah carey's voice is an inescapable reality during this holiday season, especially in the world of retail.

the extent to which christmas has become THE commercial holiday it is, is absolutely mind-boggling. CHRISTMAS = PRESENTS. hence the mall madness [including the decorations, music, sales, gift-wrapping, various santas to sit on the laps of and take pictures with, crowds, etc.], the post office madness [piles of brown paper wrapped packages spilling into the isles, and huge line-ups] and the massive influx of toy commercials [those "bratz" dolls are damn ugly]. it creates expectations in the minds of children growing up today, especially kids who aren't even christian. i know i definitely wanted to celebrate it as i was growing up, especially because it was so commonplace even in school with decorations everywhere, christmas assemblies and parties. another reason was the fact that the first day back in january, everyone at school was decked out in new clothes and the first question you got asked was "what did YOU get for christmas?". it's kinda funny, the hell i put my parents through to make sure i got at least SOMETHING new to wear and talk about that first day back...i wonder what percentage of families who exchange gifts and put up trees during christmas aren't even christian?

in any case, i find the act of gift-giving on christmas a very tedious and rehearsed sort of practice. my aunt is christian [yes, she really is, and she really goes to church on a REGULAR basis] and the traditional gift exchange goes on at her place every year. i dread it with every bone in my body. i just hate the "and this gift is from _____ to _____" and the "oh, thank you! i love it!" while everyone watches while you open up your gift and hug the person who gave it to you. yech. it's all such an act. i also HATE shopping for gifts! i love seeing my family, they are [for the most part, ha ha ha] great people, but the forced conversation and all that comes along with it are enough for me to gag, and constantly vow to myself to make sure i am out of the country the next christmas. never really happens though. just call me scrooge. whatever.

and now for the asides that didn't make the original post.

aside #1: why are people still racist? shouldn't this be over by now? people of colour are taking over the world, GET FUCKING USED TO IT. i went to the bank and was asking my friendly, white, 50, maybe 60-something banking lady a couple of questions, and she was just not nice about anything at all. she pissed me off. then today i was in a grocery store in richmond hill on bathurst [happy hanukah] and i was in the way of some man, so i moved and said sorry. he just stopped and looked at me with this cold, condescending sort of glare. fuck you, i got out of your way AND i said sorry. some people just suck.

aside #2: people who think that they know everything about everything really, really piss me off. people who think they have some sort of relation to, or inside view on any certain topic, REALLY bug me. you don't know more about the state of China's rice fields, more than i do, so shut up, thanks. weird example, i know, but you get what i mean. those people who when you mention something you may have heard in the news, suddenly know everything about that topic and are all like "oh yeah, blahblahblah, didn't you know?" SHUT THE FUCK UP. i could say much more, but let's keep the shit away from the fan... =)


what a crazy post. happy holidays.