HERE'S a bright idea for you...

say the word "FREE" at a retail store, and you'll draw a huge, bustling, frothing-at-the-mouth crowd in no time.

for the next four weeks or so, i'm working at such a retail store, promoting energy savings via the use of compact flourescent lightbulbs [or "CFLs", as the energy-savvy call them], torchiere lamps, and seasonal LED lights [no, i don't remember what LED stands for]. this event is entitled "Bright Ideas" and is being hosted by Toronto Hydro, along with a few other environmental organizations. it's a great opportunity to learn about energy savings, as well as get free lightbulbs [if you're brave] and coupons to save you money and save toronto energy, so come out!

so i walk into the home depot saturday morning, bright and early at 9am, and there is a crowd of maybe 15-20 people WAITING for their free lightbulbs. i am then told that many of these people have been waiting since 6am. the store opened at 7am. the lightbulb giveaway starts at 10am. that's a total of 4 hours waiting, one of them outside. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE? well, to the credit of these crazies, there was no time advertised on the distributed flyers, so, i guess they can't wholly be blamed. i GUESS.

i proceed to meekly tell these people that although i am here, my fellow team members will be arriving at 10am, and if they would like to continue their shopping they were more than welcome to, as there were 500 packs of lightbulbs to be given away. needless to say, people were less than happy. and so as i unpacked my things, and began to set up, they stood in a little bunch before me, looking puzzled and annoyed at the same time. weird. after a while, an old lady comes up and asks me what she needs to fill out to get her lightbulbs, and so i tell her with a smile it's a short little survey which asks for her postal code, as well as a few other questions. suddenly her eyes narrow, and she says loudly, "well WHY don't you just hand out the surveys NOW so that we can do SOMETHING while we're waiting? isn't this thing all about efficiency? you're not being very efficient!".

oh hell no.

the smile drops from my face, and i less than lovingly reply that the survey takes about 30 seconds to complete, so it wouldn't really be advantageous to her to complete the survey, and then continue waiting another 30 minutes. i then turn my back and continue setting up. later on, when this lady receives her lightbulbs, she looks at me with a gaze that could kill, snatches them away and turns her back. you're freaking welcome. over the course of the weekend we encountered more than our fair share of nuts. there were many repeat customers, who thought that if they took off their sweater, they would magically turn into a different person and as such, were rightfully entitled to get back in line to receive another pack of lightbulbs that cost a whopping $5 with the coupon [$8 without]. contrary to what seems to be popular belief, toronto hydro is NOT here to outfit your entire home with lightbulbs, but merely to offer a sample to try out. then there were upset customers, complaining they didn't receive their free bulbs. we ran out relatively quickly, and had a line-up during the first couple of hours while giving the lightbulbs away. the rest of the day [approximately 12pm-6pm] consisted of us telling each and every customer who walked up to our booth that we had already served our first 500 customers but we would be back next weekend, same bat time, same bat channel. EACH AND EVERY CUSTOMER. very annoying.

i think working in retail in general makes one aware of the true nature of the human race. one thing i've realized while working the past 5-6 years in this lucrative field, is that people will do ANYTHING to get what they want. you've all seen it: boxing day INSANITY. people greedily grabbing at everything on sale, regardless of whether it's their size, or if they even like it, playing tug-of-war over half-price scarves and gloves, and arguing over who saw the last size small first in the most hideous sweater you've ever seen. i've seen the scratch marks first hand, so i know it happens. even on regular days, customers will try to return ANYTHING and everything they possibly can. it's funny how things you've never worn and have just been sitting in your closet smell like tide. people will argue for a damaged discount on anything. "there is a RIP in these jeans, i want a discount," demands a customer, to which i reply, "uh, miss, that's the style, they're all like that,".

unless you've worked in retail, you won't empathize with the employee plastered with a fake smile, folding, and refolding that same table at 15 minute intervals throughout the day. customers are vile, VILE beings, who will turn over the entire pile, searching for a size large, and upon finding it, will proceed to pick it up, unfold it, hold it in front of them, look at the price tag, and drop it right back down as they continue onto the next. if only that customer would look up for a minute to notice the looks of death they were receiving from surrounding employees.

don't treat retail employees and managers like shit. they're part of the service industry, and they WILL serve you, they have to, it's their job. don't go out of your way to yell at them and leave upset piles of clothes in your wake. a job in retail or fast food is pretty down there when it comes to the low end of the work spectrum, and i can speak for most retail employees when i say that you will be made to do as much as possible for that little amount you get paid. "but i didn't get hired to scrub the bathroom floor" is not an excuse.

the next time you're at a retail store, fast food chain, or home depot energy savings giveaway of some sort, wait patiently, and be nice to those SERVING you. smile, and try to give these people hope that humankind isn't so lost that they have no more feeling, kindness, and at least sympathy, if not empathy in their hearts. the customer may always be right in theory, but they need the retailers as much as the retailers need them.

respeK to my fellow slaves of the western world.

soph*