even though my blog list is filled with "drafts", i don't have much more i'd like to say than i am SO unmotivated right now to write my two 15 page essays due next week. i probably had the most unproductive day ever, and i am still SO unmotivated.
yesterday was alright. went to the bright ideas wrap party. those people at summerhill group are incredibly cool. i'll definitely miss my former IME drummer turned program supervisor, cos he is the SHIT! =) hope to work with them all again.
i am suddenly and inexplicably mesmerized by nicole ritchie. and loving her new dark hair. if i knew how to post photos in this thing, i would. maybe later. anyway, she's wicked.
GAP is finally over with. i will miss the people i used to work with [minus the onslaught of new hires who attempted to give ME dirty looks, and tell ME what to do on the floor, i don't think so, sister] and the discount. it is the end of an era, indeed. but i don't regret my decision. it took me a long time to let go of that place simply because it was bearable and i was comfortable. it took a lot, but i finally let go, and will hopefully move on to bigger if not better things. i hope.
somebody needs to keep me off facebook. like seriously. it's quite boring when you have nothing to do, but the second you have an assignment on your hands, it transforms into an obsession you simply can't get enough of. who updated their profile? who has new pictures? who cares if i don't know these people, i'll still spend a good fifteen minutes on their profile anyway! it's sick i tell you, just plain sick.
the grand finale of undergrad is beginning to creep up, and creep me out. things might suddenly be real [gasp] which means i have things to do and plan for [crap]. but then good old non-motivation and her sister procrastination, the only constants of my life are there to tell me to wait until tomorrow. and so i shall.
that's all. not much of an update, but deal.
11.16.2006
11.08.2006
[no title]
i am extremely frustrated.
that's all i really have to say. i don't particularly want to go on here and depress anyone, but sometimes, you just can't help but wonder if there was a big, fucking mistake made along the way. you can't help but wonder "what if?" and "if only..."
it's gotta be tough, when everything you've ever known as right, and good is completely swept out from under you. when you have nothing left to believe in, and the blows just get lower and lower. when the person you should be able to trust wholeheartedly is apparently incompetent, overtly insensitive, and outright stupid.
and where is the reasoning in all of this? where is the logic, and whose is it? why do these things happen as they do? why is the solution so close, so tangible, yet never realized due to the same, fucking, roadblock? why do you have to compromise so much? i'm sure i seem like i complain a lot, but i don't fucking care. some things just aren't right.
i'm sorry. i wish i could take it all away. i wish i could make it all better.
things might be so different.
that's all i really have to say. i don't particularly want to go on here and depress anyone, but sometimes, you just can't help but wonder if there was a big, fucking mistake made along the way. you can't help but wonder "what if?" and "if only..."
it's gotta be tough, when everything you've ever known as right, and good is completely swept out from under you. when you have nothing left to believe in, and the blows just get lower and lower. when the person you should be able to trust wholeheartedly is apparently incompetent, overtly insensitive, and outright stupid.
and where is the reasoning in all of this? where is the logic, and whose is it? why do these things happen as they do? why is the solution so close, so tangible, yet never realized due to the same, fucking, roadblock? why do you have to compromise so much? i'm sure i seem like i complain a lot, but i don't fucking care. some things just aren't right.
i'm sorry. i wish i could take it all away. i wish i could make it all better.
things might be so different.
11.01.2006
ask why...
inspired by the toronto star's new theme entitled "ask why", i thought i would entertain my own rendition. enjoy. [yes, this is two posts in one day...]
- why is there such immense suffering in the world? why are we so unexposed to it? and even when we are, why are we so immune to it?
- why does 50 cent feel he can sing?
- why are leggings back in style?
- why does the university of toronto make things as difficult as possible?
- why do we want what we can't have?
- why do women have to rip the hair out of their bodies while men are free to be as hairy, fat, and lazy as they like? [oops...]
- why am i addicted to facebook? [you ask yourself that question everyday, i know you do.]
- why do girls leave their hair out and wear dangly earrings while working out at the gym? WHY?!
- why did the iPod become such an overt symbol of current pop culture?
- why do certain oriental people talk so goddamn loud? and why do they drive so goddamn terribly?
- why is there so much cancer in our world?
- why did the hundredth US soldier die this month in afghanistan? why are so so SO many more civilians dying each day? and why do we tolerate this?
- why do boys give mixed signals? why don't they have brains?
- why is procrastination such a common tendency?
- why can't things just happen?
- why do we purposely put ourselves in positions to get hurt? why do we do it over and over again?
- why can't you fully trust even your best of friends?
- why is religion such a big deal?
- why can't boys and girls ever be JUST friends?
- why are we so dependent on the internet?
...why am i writing this?
because if you never ask, you'll never know.
- why is there such immense suffering in the world? why are we so unexposed to it? and even when we are, why are we so immune to it?
- why does 50 cent feel he can sing?
- why are leggings back in style?
- why does the university of toronto make things as difficult as possible?
- why do we want what we can't have?
- why do women have to rip the hair out of their bodies while men are free to be as hairy, fat, and lazy as they like? [oops...]
- why am i addicted to facebook? [you ask yourself that question everyday, i know you do.]
- why do girls leave their hair out and wear dangly earrings while working out at the gym? WHY?!
- why did the iPod become such an overt symbol of current pop culture?
- why do certain oriental people talk so goddamn loud? and why do they drive so goddamn terribly?
- why is there so much cancer in our world?
- why did the hundredth US soldier die this month in afghanistan? why are so so SO many more civilians dying each day? and why do we tolerate this?
- why do boys give mixed signals? why don't they have brains?
- why is procrastination such a common tendency?
- why can't things just happen?
- why do we purposely put ourselves in positions to get hurt? why do we do it over and over again?
- why can't you fully trust even your best of friends?
- why is religion such a big deal?
- why can't boys and girls ever be JUST friends?
- why are we so dependent on the internet?
...why am i writing this?
because if you never ask, you'll never know.
2am babble. that's exactly what this is.
i miss,
+ simplicity
+ the way things used to be
+ sleep without dreams, without nightmares
+ comfort
+ honesty, innocence, and truth
+ interest
+ knowing it's going to be okay
haven't had much to write about lately. but when it gets late enough, there's always something lurking...somewhere. change is the only constant we have in life, and it is of course, inevitable. change seems to occur more and more rapidly as we get older. the world we've known throughout childhood is undergoing so many changes, and our new realities are thrust upon us whether we want them or not.
it is, however, important to remember how things used to be. a simpler time, when simple things meant the world. as we change and grow, it seems our threshold of interest, education, entertainment, skill--everything, is on the rise. it takes more to get us motivated, more to get us excited. this is of course, only natural, because we as humans are not static creatures. we are constantly shifting and evolving in many ways. Through such mediums as mind, body and culture, we realize and experience new things at any given moment. no time is the same as that before it, and it is this constant change that is progress, and growth, without which we might still be old world monkeys, picking shit out of each other's fur.
but we're not. and it is this progress that of course, makes us who and how we are today. yet i still find myself longing for what used to be. the time when we [as young adolescents, and/or what not] did not have to worry about bills. and eating the recommended 5-10 servings of fruits and vegetables a day. and saving energy. and running on the treadmill. and what other people think. and going on first dates. when things like this didn't matter. when we were taken care of. maybe that's what i'm getting at. i find i miss being taken care of, a little. this is not to say that i don't value my independence, which i wholly do [and i couldn't imagine myself without]. but, once in a while it might be nice to just be, without worrying.
maybe not. as we get older, and as we are accustomed to increasing responsibility for ourselves, we create our own preferences and habits. preferences and habits which could not have been forged without us, and our personal input, whether conscious or not. and i suppose, this would likely be part of the way in which we create our own personalities. the different ways we all are, the different ways we all dress, the different things we care about, all these things are not innate, and are shaped of course, in terms of our culture and the types of things and situations we are exposed to. however, as we learn and grow, we discover more and more about the world, and ourselves. this then reflects on our increasingly varying personalities, until we feel we've got it down pat, and we are who we want to be.
although, i doubt that day ever comes.
perhaps i'm writing this because i feel i grew up too fast. i wasn't able to get all that i feel i should have gotten. but then, can anyone actually say they KNOW they've gotten all they should have, and call it a day? life isn't prepackaged. there's no instruction manual. you take what you get, and you make the best of it.
because if you don't, then you're missing out, on this [potentially] beautiful life...
+ simplicity
+ the way things used to be
+ sleep without dreams, without nightmares
+ comfort
+ honesty, innocence, and truth
+ interest
+ knowing it's going to be okay
haven't had much to write about lately. but when it gets late enough, there's always something lurking...somewhere. change is the only constant we have in life, and it is of course, inevitable. change seems to occur more and more rapidly as we get older. the world we've known throughout childhood is undergoing so many changes, and our new realities are thrust upon us whether we want them or not.
it is, however, important to remember how things used to be. a simpler time, when simple things meant the world. as we change and grow, it seems our threshold of interest, education, entertainment, skill--everything, is on the rise. it takes more to get us motivated, more to get us excited. this is of course, only natural, because we as humans are not static creatures. we are constantly shifting and evolving in many ways. Through such mediums as mind, body and culture, we realize and experience new things at any given moment. no time is the same as that before it, and it is this constant change that is progress, and growth, without which we might still be old world monkeys, picking shit out of each other's fur.
but we're not. and it is this progress that of course, makes us who and how we are today. yet i still find myself longing for what used to be. the time when we [as young adolescents, and/or what not] did not have to worry about bills. and eating the recommended 5-10 servings of fruits and vegetables a day. and saving energy. and running on the treadmill. and what other people think. and going on first dates. when things like this didn't matter. when we were taken care of. maybe that's what i'm getting at. i find i miss being taken care of, a little. this is not to say that i don't value my independence, which i wholly do [and i couldn't imagine myself without]. but, once in a while it might be nice to just be, without worrying.
maybe not. as we get older, and as we are accustomed to increasing responsibility for ourselves, we create our own preferences and habits. preferences and habits which could not have been forged without us, and our personal input, whether conscious or not. and i suppose, this would likely be part of the way in which we create our own personalities. the different ways we all are, the different ways we all dress, the different things we care about, all these things are not innate, and are shaped of course, in terms of our culture and the types of things and situations we are exposed to. however, as we learn and grow, we discover more and more about the world, and ourselves. this then reflects on our increasingly varying personalities, until we feel we've got it down pat, and we are who we want to be.
although, i doubt that day ever comes.
perhaps i'm writing this because i feel i grew up too fast. i wasn't able to get all that i feel i should have gotten. but then, can anyone actually say they KNOW they've gotten all they should have, and call it a day? life isn't prepackaged. there's no instruction manual. you take what you get, and you make the best of it.
because if you don't, then you're missing out, on this [potentially] beautiful life...
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)